The Ultimate Critical Theory Gift Guide

Unfortunately, a well-reasoned critique of consumer capitalism isn’t enough to stop the tears of your betrayed loved ones when you have rightfully boycotted “The Holidays.” And while “planting a tree in your name” seems to be entirely socially acceptable, “I wrote your name on a rock and threw it at a cop” seems not to be.

“I don’t want anything” seems to be equally taboo.

So, for all of those who have to shop for a critical theorist, radical or metaphysical asshole, you may behold the commodification of the revolution.

Or jump to these categories: MoviesWearables –  ArtBooks

Knick Knacks

Radical Amigurumis

Radical philosophy doll

“Amigurumi is the Japanese art of knitting or crocheting stuffed animals, people or inanimate objects. The word ‘amigurumi’ is derived from merging the Japanese words ‘ami’, meaning ‘knitted’ or ‘crocheted’, and ‘nuigurumi’, meaning stuffed ‘doll’”

Check them out here.

Noam Chomsky Candle

noam chomsky candlePay homage to the patron saint of fighting imperialist propaganda with a Noam Chomsky candle.

Via Unemployed Philosopher’s Guild.

Karl Marx Piggy Bank

karl marx piggy bankVia Amazon.

Philosopher Finger Puppets

douglass finger puppet
Frederick Douglass
emma goldman finger puppet
Emma Goldman
spinoza finger puppet
Baruch de Spinoza
hannah arendt
Hannah Arendt




hegel finger puppet
Georg W.F. Hegel
derrida finger puppet
Jacques Derrida
schopenhauer finger puppets
Arthur Schopenhauer
marx finger puppet
Karl Marx









Will to Power Bar

will to power bar
Via Unemployed Philosopher’s Guild.

James Baldwin Pillows

james baldwin pillows

Via Etsy.

Nietzsche Dishwasher Magnets

nietzsche dishwasher magnetVia Amazon.

 Nietzsche Mug

nietzsche mug
Via Etsy.

 Rosa Luxemburg Tea Towel

I don’t fully understand what a tea towel is, as a brutish American, but it’s cool nonetheless.

Via Radical Tea Towels.

Freudian Sips Mug

freudian sips mugVia Amazon.

Hegel Phone Case

hegel phone case
Via Zazzle. Bookmarks


IMG_4129More shameless self promotion. Sweet book not included.

Help support us and grab some rad bookmarks on Etsy.

 Cheesy Heidegger Ornament

heidegger ornamentVia Zazzle.

Class Struggle Board Game

class struggle amazon

Copies are hard to find of this 1978 classic, and tend to be very expensive. But if you’ve got a few hundred bucks to blow, why not?

Via Amazon.

  • mitbong

    good clean livin

  • Noah Sans Ark

    one more for the road… only 29€

  • Czar Donic

    This is too good for birds.

  • Bobby Brown

    Hey, let’s compile a list of consumerist trinkets and dumbed-down philosophy items, like comic books, with links to the great evil corporation known as amazon, that have to do with anticapitalism, but hey, wait, LET’S BE SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT IT!!

    Die in a cold, hard ditch, faggot.

    • Connor Syrewicz

      hey there people i’m bobby brown.
      they say i’m the cutest boy in town.
      my car is fast my teeth are shiny,
      i can tell all the girls to kiss my hiney.
      here i am at famous school
      dressin’ sharp and actin’ cool
      got a cheerleader here
      wants to help with my paper
      let her do all the work
      and maybe later I’ll rape her!

  • Linda Q

    Well, this is a list to enjoy!

  • Darius

    This is funny shit. You guys amuse me even though I am not a huge fan of neomarxism.

  • Claire Pickard

    Here I am trying to do research on the relationship of “the gift” to Marx’s theory of credit, and ALL I CAN FIND IS THIS F***ING GIFT GUIDE. Who knew that would prevent me from doing research on actual critical theory?

    • Critical Theory

      Mission accomplished.

  • This is genius!