Different people implement different strategies to avoid doing their senior thesis or dissertation. While many, like myself, prefer the “drink shitty brown liquor and watch Netflix” route, one industrious Harvard student decided to compile short, hilarious, thesis summaries from other students.
Many people, 30 pages into a thesis, will realize that they have read countless books and written thousands of words that could be summarized in one obvious -usually painfully so – statement. . So when Angie Frankel started soliciting thesis summaries from other students on Tumblr, the results were incredible.
What follows is some of the philosophy/critical theory-ish highlights from the nearly 1,000 submissions that have been compiled on lolmythesis.com since December. And some about geology, for shits and giggles. You can also follow them on Twitter @lolmythesis.
Look at this zombie. Isn’t it racist and sexist? Yes, it is.
English Literature, DePaul University
Fuck You, Chomsky, Nothing Is Innate
Using the word “discourse” makes you sound really sophisticated.
Communication and Culture, York University
If we cleaned up the hypodermic needles and broken headstones, this cemetery would totally be a great place for a field trip!
Historic Preservation, Columbia University
Female condoms are cool. Also, Foucault.
Basically, Beyoncé can do anything.
History/Study of Women and Gender, Smith College
Diets are a capitalist conspiracy, we should all be Marxist gluttons.
Anthropology, University of Chicago
Trust your gut, except when your gut is being an asshole, which can be really hard to tell, but do your best.
Philosophy, Western University
The ancient Romans had a pretty large army, all things considered.
Ancient History, Oxford
French people supposedly like having a really secular state, but what that really amounts to is they are not fans of immigrants.
French, Georgetown University
People are sexist.
If you are going to exploit another country, it’s helpful to have a map.
History, University of Texas
FML: All my feelings are constructed
Religion & Women and Gender Studies, Harvard.
College students like to binge drink, unless they are busy.
Sociology, University of Wyoming
History, Wesleyan University
You can turn Mill into an anarchist if you really try.
Philosophy, University of Minnesota
Moby Dick is the hero of ‘Moby Dick.’
Rats like cocaine
Psychology, Reed College
RuPaul’s Drag Race is a terrific show
American Studies, University of Nottingham
Advice columns are where the real philosophy is getting done.
Philosophy, The University of Chicago
Rocks that are next to each other in Massachusetts now were also next to each other 400 million years ago.
Geology, Amherst College
Turns out that if you want people to like you during a war, you probably shouldn’t blow up their house.
Political Science & History, Fairmont State University
Machiavelli was Machiavellian.
Humanities, Washington University in St. Louis
Crack was indeed whack.
History, Columbia university
Phrases like “democratic imaginaries of femininity” and “docile bodies of militarized masculinity” are real crowd pleasers at your conservative relatives’ holiday parties.
Political Science, Bryn Mawr College
I compare the US and South Asia and imply that you are racist.
Ethnicity, Race, and Migration, Yale
The Internet kind of sucks.
College of Social Studies, Wesleyan University.
It is hard to collect, exhibit, or de-accestion indigenous art objects in museums without being patronizing or racist, sometimes museums do a good job, but usually not.
Art History, Theory and Criticism, Maryland Institute College of Art
Mechanical Engineering, Harvard
This neo-Marxist Russian poet is either a genius or totally batshit.
Linguistics and Slavic Languages and Literature, Harvard
Numbers either exist, or they don’t. Depends on how you look at it.
Philosophy, Reed College
Male friends in Shakespeare were actually sex-radical feminists, but only if you’re horny.
English, University of Pennsylvania
Chess-playing computers aren’t people.
Philosophy, Brown University